I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
