Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize