I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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