I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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