but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
