Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
