have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
