my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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