First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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