shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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