you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
