She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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