I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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