yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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