apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
