I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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