whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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