i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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