just tell him i said nine months
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
