R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize