It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
