It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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