stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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