Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am available for nakedness
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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