Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just found puke in my bra..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
