If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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