the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
