you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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