Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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