My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
