if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
