Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
