I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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