Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
