Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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