I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize