Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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