Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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