Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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