I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
