never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize