I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
