I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
