You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
