matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
