"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
