I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize