pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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