so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize