capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
