and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
