this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
