These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
