girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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