Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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