when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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