My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
