My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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