Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
