well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
