So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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