the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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