new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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