pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
