ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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