it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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