Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
