You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just high enough for therapy.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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