I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
